28...

I feel like my life has changed a lot this past year...and it has. First time Dad, finished my Master's Degree, bought my first "real" computer game (StarCraft 2), etc... Ok that last one was kind of lame.

I thought that I'd put together a list of random things I have learned in my vast 28 years on this Earth. Better yet, I thought I'd share it with you. So, here goes...and in no particular order.

1) Don't dive into a kiddie swimming pool. No matter how hot it is.

2) Guys aren't always faster than girls. (Thanks Hannah...)

3) A toy submarine impeller can get really embedded in your sister's hair. Don't use toy submarines as fans.

4) Vehicles are money pits.

5) God will always be there for me. No matter what.

6) Owning a house is a lot of work.

7) Everyone is biased.

8) Having a kid shows a person how selfish they really are.

9) I can always justify spending money on something I want.

10) I usually regret spending money on something I want.

11) Macs are the bomb.

12) People who are the closest to you can hurt you the most.

13) Forgiving someone does not mean what they did was ok, and doesn't take away consequences.

14) Peanut butter makes you fat.

15) You won't go to Hell for drinking or reading fantasy.

16) Sushi isn't something to be scared of.

17) Honesty really is the best policy. Soap doesn't taste good at all.

18) People (and that includes me) change.

19) Just because you CAN finally make out with your girl, doesn't mean you SHOULD at every opportunity.

20) A jar of jelly makes a huge mess when dropped on a tile floor.

21) Guns are cool.

22) Parents are not invincible.

23) Kansas is a lot hotter in the summer and colder in the winter than Pennsylvania. Seriously.

24) Sports can play an important part in a child's development. They did in mine.

25) I can run more than 3 miles without dying.

26) Metabolism changes with age. And that sucks.

27) Relationships change over time, but some people will be your friends forever.

28) I need a lot of the "wisdom from above" (See James 3:17) Especially the peaceable, gentle, open to reason...ok, the whole verse.

Wink Hartman. Jabberwocky

So, we've been watching the first season of Better Off Ted, and there was a part of the show that I thought fit a certain political candidate very well.

First, Jabberwocky!!

Next, a Wink Hartman ad.

Notice anything similar? Perhaps a lack of content, maybe some smoke and mirrors?

Wink Hartman. Jabberwocky. 'Nuff said.

More Bathroom Etiquette...

This was forwarded to me, and I couldn't help reposting it. I laughed until I cried when I read this. Enjoy!!

How to Poop at Work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Of Agitators...

Today I am doing tech at church and we are starting a new series on the book of James. James is a very practical book of the Bible, and today part of what we are learning about is being ok with hard times in our lives, knowing that God will take care of us. He'll use it to Grow us in faith so we trust Him even more. Another part is about financial security.

This is all very applicable to me since I am dealing with both of those areas in my life right now. Yesterday I had a long list of things to do, but first I went to throw a load of laundry in. Since Anna is very close to delivery, it's hard for her to go up and down the stairs with the laundry basket, so I've taken on that responsibility. So, I turned on the washing machine and saw a blue flash. Ooooh...not cool. Well, it filled up with water, then stopped. It just stopped. No movement, no agitation. (By the way, I think it's cool that washing machines have agitators...I was always told that being an agitator was a bad thing.) Turns out, the timer was broken as well, so it actually did spin out, then promptly went to the next cycle and filled up with water again.

Nice.

I let it spin out then I unplugged it before it went to the next cycle. Both the washer and dryer are old, and the timer on the dryer is broken as well, so it was time for new ones for sure. I just hadn't planned on it JUST NOW.

But, as we are learning from James, these things are ok and God is in control, even when things don't fit in MY plans. Plus, there are always good things that come out of bad.

1) This didn't happen AFTER Tigger was born when we have TONS of laundry to do.

2) This was our second set of used appliances, so it really was time for new ones.

3) We got to hang out with Dale and Sarah some more. They've been sick and we've missed them a lot. They provided the transportation for the new washer and dryer and Dale helped me get them set up. Mostly. I have the the rest to do today.

4) The set was on sale, and the store honored another store's offer for 10% off.

5) The new ones are MUCH more efficient, so hopefully our bills will go down. Or at least stay the same since we WILL be doing more laundry very soon.

6) The new washer doesn't have an agitator. I guess that's a good thing (?).

So yeah, it's a good thing. And the finances will iron out, God's in control.

Always.

Loading the new ones into the van...

They work!! Both of them!!

The old couple sitting in the garage...anyone want them?!?!

Baby Shower Help

So, today (rather, yesterday) I was asked to help with a baby shower for Anna. The ladies were going to be playing a game where Anna had to guess what my responses would be to some questions pertaining to the baby and our life after the birth. Lindsay Frasier and I came up with this video to help with the sharing of my thoughts at the baby shower.

FAIL

Yeah.

So I was (and still am) pumped about starting this running program. Problem is, I need a watch so I can time my intervals when running outside. We are trying to do the Dave Ramsey Cash Envelope system, and it works pretty well. Except that I (the spender) routinely run out of money while my wife (the saver) socks hers away in an undisclosed location and has enough for a car downpayment.

So, I told myself I would force myself to wait to buy a watch until I got the next two weeks worth of spending money instead of just busting out the debit card like I usually do. The day came, I grabbed my cash Friday morning and was Walmart bound directly after work. I was hoping to find a watch on clearance (had to be a Timex, don't ask me why because I don't know).

And find one I did. It was $15 off the original price and $10 cheaper than similar "non-clearance" models. I was PUMPED!!! There was another that I liked better, but since I paid in cash my dollars were precious to me and I refused to pay more. I was so excited about this little spending victory that I called my wife on the 3 minute drive home from Walmart.

So I got home, opened the box, and put the watch on. To my surprise and horror, the band was barely long enough to wrap around my wrist.

Yes, my friends, I had purchased a women's sports watch.

I've tried for three days to be ok with wearing it. "It's just when you work out!" "No one will notice, you didn't when you bought it." (I'm an engineer, so that's probably not a valid argument.)

I can't do it. I'm returning the watch tonight.

Done with School!!

YEAH!!!! Finally done with my Master's Degree!! Yes, this probably means that I won't be posting every Wednesday evening (not that I was before) but oh well. It's pretty weird to not have to be thinking about school all of the time, but it's nice. Not that I have much time to miss school with trying to get the house ready for baby Tigger.

Now that school is over, it is time to focus on other things. Like Modern Warfare 2. Yup, I'm a gamer (Xbox) and this is probably the most fun and addictive game I have played to date. The hard part of gaming for me is not giving it a place higher than it should have. (Notice however that it's the first thing I listed.) ;-) So often I tend to want to just get through my day so I can play, but I need to remember that I need to enjoy everything I do, not set up gaming as the end goal of the day. Besides, it really bums me out when I don't do very well. Amazing how that affects my attitudes.

So let's see, what else is there for me to do? Got to get the house ready. It is defying me pretty much at every step. Seriously. I think our house is haunted, and not by any ordinary ghost. We couldn't get a normal one that just groans and rattles chains in the attic. No, we had to get the ghost of some dude who tried to cross the Sahara without water, and died of dehydration. Every chance he gets he causes water leaks. Everywhere.

The first year we lived in the house he was content with routinely breaking the water heater. We replaced that, but I think in the process he somehow escaped from living in there and has proceeded to wreak havoc throughout the rest of the house. The tub started leaking into the nursery, the dishwasher shutoff valve (which some genius installed in the ceiling of the basement and covered it up with drywall) started dripping, and water started coming into various parts of the basement when it rained. So I'm working on those, and most of the problems have been fixed. If it ever stops snowing I can fix the rest.

Other than that I am going to try to lose some college weight and start working out again. I'm trying something new this time. I want to start running so both myself and Kelso can benefit from exercise. Tomorrow I plan on starting the Couch to 5k running plan. Only problem is that we are supposed to get another 15 feet of snow by tomorrow night. Ok, so only 5-6 inches but that might delay my start a bit.